


the clouds above will sing

by mkairi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Broken Bones, Car Accidents, Character Death, Crying, Heavy Angst, High School Musical References, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kageyama really hates being called King, M/M, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Roller Coasters, Sunsets, Yamaguchi Tadashi Protection Squad, angst fades away every now and then but then BAM, carnivals, i love him so much i'm sorry, i'm so sorry for putting my boy through so much suffering, just a lot of angst, please comment the author needs validation, you're struck by angst so be warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-09-01 00:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8600719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkairi/pseuds/mkairi
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi never wanted to have to see his best friend suffer.Then, he was given an opportunity to fix his mistakes.  “This is your last day.If you can, avoid changing it too much.”





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is called "the clouds above will sing" because it's a line from the song I listened to most while writing it. it's a line from 'before you start your day' by twenty one pilots. I'd highly recommend listening to it while reading this. if you don't want to, it's no problem!  
> I really hope you enjoy reading this.

 Yamaguchi didn’t want to have to see his best friend suffer.

  He watched on as the blonde cried into his hands, barely holding back screams. He was breathing heavily, just as Yamaguchi was. Tears had welled up in the shorter boy’s eyes as well, and he let them fall. _I never wanted him to endure this much agony,_ he thought, _I never would have thought his pain would have to last this long._ He lifted his arm to wipe his eyes.

  He watched on, but he couldn’t do anything about it.

  He had died months earlier, after all.

**-x-**

  This was Yamaguchi’s life now.

  Or his afterlife, you could say.

  It was mostly spent in almost darkness. It was endless grey hills, with endless grey skies to match. He heard the shouts of other souls, screaming as they were ripped away from their life. Even though it had been months since he himself had died, he still felt the incredible sadness when he first realised he had died. He remembered turning up to this place, not knowing what had happened. It took a few minutes for the memories to come back, but once they did, he was numb. He had thought about everyone he had left behind.

  Then he had cried.

  He cried for a long time, knowing he’ll never see any of them again. His team, his family, his best friend. Time didn’t exist in this place, so he had to estimate the time it took. He guessed he cried for many days. He never felt the need to eat, sleep, drink, or do anything.

  He was dead, after all.

  However, every now and then, there was an opportunity to see someone you had loved in your life. The first time the opportunity arose he had checked on his family. They were all distraught, and most of them never left the house anymore. The second time, he checked on his team. They were at normal practice, but there seemed to be tenseness in the air.

  Every now and then Yamaguchi would spot tears on the face of his teammates, which would break him down even more. The thing that worried him the most was that he couldn’t spot his best friend among them. 

  So now, the third time, he was watching his best friend. He regretted it, but didn’t want to stop. He was watching his friend cry, and that was hell enough for him. The thing is, while watching, he wasn’t there in person. He simply watched on a screen that had appeared. He thought of the one person he wanted to see, and it played. As he had cried, Yamaguchi spotted something that made his heart stop - if it was beating, anyway.

  His best friend, Tsukishima Kei, was clutching a photo of them to his chest.

  Yamaguchi knew that he was crying over him, as he had mumbled his name a few times. But this really hit him. The photo was them at a carnival earlier that year. Yamaguchi had stolen his phone and forced Tsukishima to take a photo with him. Tsukishima had acted like it was stupid, but in the photo he had a small smile on his face. Yamaguchi’s dark hair was blowing in the wind, along with the blond of Tsukishima’s. Yamaguchi’s dark eyes were lit up with joy, while Tsukishima’s were still dark, but happy. 

  Yamaguchi couldn’t bear it any further and smashed the screen with his hand. The screen disintegrated, the sound of his best friends sobs fading away. Yamaguchi collapsed to the floor. He buried his face in his hands. “Why did this have to happen?” he murmured to himself. It was now eerily silent, and the screams of the souls had stopped. There wasn’t anyone else here in this limbo, and Yamaguchi was all alone. “Why did I have to die?” he asked himself. He knew he was crying and he didn’t stop it. “Why did it have to end like this?” Questions were coming to him. These were questions that he had thought of the entire time he was dead, but now they had more meaning than ever. He lifted his head up; tears were still falling heavily down his face. He took a deep breath in, and stood up shakily.

  “W-Why do I have to be so alone?!” he shouted into the emptiness. His nervous voice echoed, bouncing the question around the deep limbo. He heard his voice crack over and over, he heard his stutter being repeated, and he heard the sadness in his voice. He closed his eyes, and waited for the echo to stop.

  He felt dark hair blow gently in the wind. His eyes shot open. 

_There isn’t supposed to be wind down here._

**-x-**

  He looked around, incredibly confused. He took in a familiar sight that ran shivers down his entire body. _My bedroom._ He was in his bedroom. His bedroom from when he was alive. He turned to the right where his window was open, which must have been the source of the draft earlier. His breathing sped up. _How can I be in my bedroom?_ He was sitting on his bed, and it felt too real to be a hallucination. “Tadashi, come downstairs when you're ready!” he heard a shout. He was shocked to hear his mother’s voice, and it made him tear up. As he got out of his bed, he saw clothes laid nicely on the end of his bed. He quickly changed into them. _I don’t understand what’s happening. I’m dead, aren’t I? Why are things continuing like they used to? Don’t tell it was all a dream. It can’t have been. The limbo was too real. Their… grief… was too real,_ he thought. He looked for his phone, and spotted it on his bedside table. However, when he lifted it up, a small piece of paper fell from on top of it and onto the floor. He picked it up, wondering what it was. He unfolded it and revealed it was a small letter. The words on his made him freeze.

 

_“This is your last day.  
  If you can, avoid changing it too much.”_

 

He shook his head violently. _No, I don’t want to do this,_ he thought. He knew the events that let up to his death, and he had never wanted to experience them again. He flipped the paper over, and spotted another few words written. 

 

_“Don’t try to change the fate that awaits you.  
_ _Accept it with open arms.”_

 

  He dropped the paper in shock but, before it hit the ground, it disintegrated. It reminded him painfully of the screen in the limbo world.

  As he walked down the stairs of his house, he felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. His legs shook as he made it to the bottom of the stairs. He saw his mother smiling at him from across the room. Tears built up in his eyes once again, but he quickly removed them. 

  “Are you okay, Tadashi?” his mother asked. He nodded quickly.

  “I’m fine, mum,” he said, sitting at the table.

**-x-**

  After a quick breakfast and a lot of pondering, Yamaguchi was just lying down. He was reflecting on what was going to happen that day. He heard a gentle laugh from behind him.

  “Tadashi, have you forgotten already? You were so excited about it yesterday,” he heard. He spun around and saw his mother, who was smiling. Yamaguchi tried to remember anything, but he couldn’t. Or he didn’t want to. His mother gently smacked him in the back of the head, in a joking manner. “You're going out with- I mean, to the town with Tsukishima! I can’t believe you forgot,” she sighed.  
  “Oh yeah, I can’t believe I forgot either,” Yamaguchi said, with a weak laugh. He did in fact remember, but he was trying his best to repress it.

  “Well, go and brush your teeth and hair and whatnot, you look like you just woke up,” his mother stated, walking over to the kitchen area.

  “But, I did just wake up,” he joked. He then sighed, and then walked to the bathroom.

  When he got there, he looked at himself in the mirror.

  He was taken aback with his reflection.

  It was normal, but he instead had bright golden eyes. He moved closer to the mirror, studying this rare colour that had just found itself in his eyes. They were shining brightly, almost like they were made of the real material. He found himself gently touching at his eyes, to see if maybe it was an odd reflection of some kind. It wasn’t.

_Oh. This must symbolise that I’m... dead._

Yamaguchi was too entranced by his new golden eyes he completely ignored the doorbell, which rung through the house loudly.

  “Tadashi! Someone’s at the door for you~!” Yamaguchi’s mother called out. Yamaguchi snapped out of the trance-like state he was in. He quickly adjusted his hair and ran into the front room where he saw him.

  Tsukishima was in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe.

  “H-Hey Tsukki!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, hoping that the stutter would go unnoticed. Tsukishima rolled his eyes.

  “We should go as fast as we can, or we’re going to be late,” he stated. Yamaguchi nodded. 

  “Bye, mum,” he called out, and turned back to Tsukishima. He heard a faint reply but he didn’t take it in. He was too busy staring at his best friend, feeling sadness welling up in his chest. Tsukishima looked back in confusion.

  “Yamaguchi, what are you doing?” he asked. Yamaguchi shook his head.

  “Oh, nothing. Uh... we should go!” he said. Tsukishima sighed, then walked out the door. Yamaguchi followed, closing the door behind him, “So, we’re taking the bus, right?” he asked. Tsukishima nodded.

  “Yes, and if we don’t hurry up we are not going to get it in time,” he replied. Yamaguchi promptly picked up his pace, along with Tsukishima. They made it to the bus stop in time, so they sat and waited. Yamaguchi turned to Tsukishima to say something, but suddenly the loud noises of a bus arrived and ruined his opportunity. They got onto the bus, and Yamaguchi got the window side. As they were getting driven through town, Yamaguchi looked out the window. It wasn’t like Tsukishima was going to make conversation with him, he had his headphones on at full blast. Yamaguchi didn’t mind, though. He wanted to spend as much time as he could in Tsukishima’s presence. Yet, there was something that was constantly nagging at him. His mind kept going back to the thoughts that he was dead, and this day would be his last. _Why did I even get this opportunity to live again? I don’t deserve it in any way. I’m just going to go through it, and I know that... Tsukki’s heart will be crushed all over again. I don’t want him to feel the pain again. I... don’t want to have to see him suffer. I-_ his thoughts were suddenly cut off by a voice.

  “Yamaguchi, stop crying. I don’t know why you’re crying, but it’s not like you. We’re just going into town anyway. What’s to cry about?” he heard someone say. He turned around and Tsukishima was looking straight at him. Yamaguchi touched his eyes to find them wet. He quickly wiped his eyes.

  “Oh, it’s nothing. I just got something in my eye. It’s really nothing,” he lied. _I can’t keep tearing up like this. Tsukki’s very observant. He’ll realise something’s wrong, and he will keep bringing it up until I break and give him an answer. But even if I do tell him, that will ruin the “avoid changing it too much” part of the note I was given. I can’t tell him. I have to live this day properly, like I don’t know how today will end,_ he thought. Tsukishima rolled his dark brown eyes.

  “Sure, whatever you say,” he stated, then put his headphones back on. When he turned away, Yamaguchi gave him a smile.

  It wasn’t a smile of happiness, though.

  It was a smile of sadness. An in-advance apology, possibly. Yamaguchi almost felt pity for him, because he knew what was to happen. He knew that sadness he would have to put his best friend though again, though he never wanted it.

  In fact, it was a smile of sorrow.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah I'm so glad so many of you enjoyed the previous chapter! I loved writing this, so I hope you enjoy reading.

  The bus skidded to a halt, causing Yamaguchi to smack his head against the window at a high velocity. He heard a laugh from behind him, but when he turned around, Tsukishima was just staring off into space with his headphones on. Yamaguchi sat for a minute rubbing his forehead. He then quickly realised that they should probably get off right about now. He gently tapped Tsukishima on the shoulder, then gestured that they should get off the bus. When they were both off, they stood in an awkward silence for a second. 

  “So, are we going to go?” Tsukishima asked. Yamaguchi nodded. They both walked toward the town, but when Yamaguchi saw a sign advertising something, he smiled instantly.

  “Uh... Tsukki? I think we should go there instead,” he said excitedly, pointing to the sign. Tsukishima adjusted his glasses, then a confused look settled on his face.

  “A carnival? Why would you want to go there?” he asked.

  “Why not?” Yamaguchi replied. He grabbed Tsukishima’s hand and pulled him to where the sign was pointed. When they got to the ticket gate, he let go of his best friend’s hand. He turned around, and was surprised to find Tsukishima’s cheeks dusted with pink. “Oh, sorry Tsukki,” Yamaguchi apologised. Tsukishima sighed and rolled his eyes.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said, “what we should worry about is who is going to pay,” he stated. Yamaguchi paused. _Of course, I didn’t bring enough money to go to a_ carnival _,_ he thought to himself. His smile faded for a second, until he turned to a sign where it showed ticket prices. His eyes focused on the line which said _High School Students - $8 per student (or purchase all rides for $20 per student)_.

  “Do you have $20?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima nodded, then Yamaguchi smiled again.  
  “Well, I do too, so we can pay for all rides!” He said excitedly. 

  “Fine,” Tsukishima said boredly. They went up to the ticket booth and paid for their tickets. 

  When they got in, it was relatively quiet. “It must have just opened,” Tsukishima remarked.

  “Yeah. Well, it means that we’ll be some of the first to try the rides!” Yamaguchi exclaimed.

  “And it also means we’ll be most likely be the first to die as well, as these rides don’t look to safe or tested well,” Tsukishima rebutted. Yamaguchi smiled.

  “Don’t worry about it! Where do you want to go?” He asked, then gestured to the entire park. There were quite a few people there, but not too many to call it full. Yamaguchi assumed that more must have arrived while they were talking. 

  “I honestly don’t care. Wherever you want, I guess,” Tsukishima replied, then Yamaguchi nodded. He looked around, then decided.

  “What about that ride?” he asked, while gesturing to a rather large spinning… _thing_.

  “What even is that?” Tsukishima asked.

  “I have no clue, we’ll find out when we get there,” Yamaguchi said while smiling. They both walked toward it. They lined up behind a group of elementary-school boys in front of them, who were laughing to themselves. Yamaguchi studied the ride they are about to go on. It had a middle section that was quite tall, and there was a large plate-like structure on top of it. Attached to the plate-like thing, there were dozen of chains, holding up many chairs. After a few minutes of waiting in silence, a man came forward to usher them onto the ride. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima sat down close to each other. Once they had strapped themselves in, the chairs started lifting off the ground. Yamaguchi freaked out a little, but tried to stay as calm as he possibly could.

  It finally made sense that the ride was called “The Sky Flyer”. 

  The chairs were hoisted into the air, only staying attached to the main section of the ride by four simple chains. The ride began spinning in circles, and Yamaguchi let out an involuntary screech. He could swear he heard a laugh, but when he looked around no one was making a noise. He glanced over to Tsukishima, who was relaxed in his seat, not seeming to care that they was many, _many_ metres above the ground. A song came into Yamaguchi’s head.

  “ _We’re soaring_ ,” he began, and looked to see if Tsukishima had noticed. He had sighed deeply at Yamaguchi’s attempt at a song, “ _flying,_ ” Yamaguchi continued.

  “Stop,” Tsukishima mumbled. Yamaguchi laughed, and stretched his arms out.

  “You have to continue the song!” Yamaguchi joked, and Tsukishima sighed again.

  “ _There’s not a star in-_ ” he began quietly, more just speaking it than singing.

  “ _-heaven that we can’t reach._ ” Yamaguchi joined in, and now both him and Tsukishima were now singing the lyrics to _Breaking Free -_ though one was obviously a lot more enthusiastic than the other. Yamaguchi let the wind blow in his face, blowing his hair back. He smiled wide.

  “ _If we’re trying,_ ” he led on.

  “ _yeah we’re breaking free,”_ they both finished. Yamaguchi let out a loud laugh. He turned back to Tsukishima, who seemingly had a… smile? It disappeared quickly though. The ride continued for quite a few minutes, with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima saying various things as it spun.

Eventually, though, the ride slowed down and went back to the ground. Once the ride had come to a full stop, they both got off. They walked back into the main carnival area. Yamaguchi glanced around to the other rides, thinking of what could be a good one to go on next. Instead, he opted to ask Tsukishima instead.

  “Where should we go next?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima shrugged.

  “Food,” he mumbled.

  “Don’t you normally get food halfway through your time at the carnival?” Yamaguchi asked. He suddenly remembered what had originally happened. Getting food at this point was one of the events. He wanted to retract his sentence.

  “I guess that’s true, but I’m a bit hungry now,” Tsukishima replied.

  “Okay, we’ll get something simple,” Yamaguchi stated, a smile on his face. They both walked over to the makeshift food court. They looked around, “would sushi be okay?” he asked. Tsukishima nodded. Yamaguchi decided he would be the one to order first. 

  “Hi, can I please get… that one…” he trailed off, then pointed at the meal he wanted on the board. He was afraid that the cashier wouldn’t understand, but luckily they did. Yamaguchi had a silent sigh of relief. He didn’t really like saying his meals out loud, for fear of being judged. Someone had walked up behind him and was standing close.

  _Very_ close.

  “I’ll go get us a seat. Order me some hosomaki. I’ll pay you back later,” that someone said to him. Yamaguchi nodded quickly, able to sense how close the other was.

  “Okay, Tsukki,” he managed to say. The other walked off, “Excuse me? May I please also get some hosomaki?” he finished. The cashier nodded. After Yamaguchi had paid, he had to wait for the food to be prepared.

  He was just thinking. Suddenly it hit him again. He blinked a few times to get rid of the tears that had suddenly appeared. A familiar order was called out, and he realised he was his. He got them from the counter, but when he turned around, he couldn’t find Tsukishima. He panicked slightly, until he spotted him on a table nearby. 

  Yamaguchi smiled at him, but Tsukishima didn’t smile back. He sat at the table and slid Tsukishima’s sushi towards him. Yamaguchi noticed a glass of iced tea sitting on the table in front of him that he didn’t remember getting.

  “D-Did you get this for me?” he asked. He remembered this happening before, but something was different. It was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. The scene from last time replayed through his head, comparing it to this one. Then, Yamaguchi noticed something. It may have been the way he was facing him, but Tsukishima’s face was tinged red. Yamaguchi gasped, “Oh! Did you get sunburned?” he asked his best friend. Tsukishima hesitated for the slightest of seconds, then shook his head.

  “To answer your first question, yes, I did. The second, no, I didn’t,” Tsukishima replied. He took a sip of his own iced tea. Yamaguchi, in turn, did the same. They both ate and drank in silence for a few minutes. For many people, this may have felt awkward. However, not for Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. They’d been friends for many years, and that sort of thing wasn’t awkward anymore. Yamaguchi was just happy being in Tsukishima’s presence. After a short amount of time, it finally came to Yamaguchi’s mind.

  _Oh. He isn’t sunburnt. He was… blushing? He was blushing after buying me a drink? Why would he be… oh…_ his thoughts trailed off, and he buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. His face had suddenly flushed red as well.

  “Yamaguchi, are you okay?” Tsukishima asked, taking a sip of his drink. Yamaguchi quickly looked up.

  “Yes, I’m completely fine,” he replied fast. A bit _too_ fast. He tried to make eye contact with Tsukishima, but he quickly averted his eyes. _He’s going to get suspicious at some point,_ Yamaguchi thought to himself. Tsukishima rolled his eyes. He took the last sip of his drink, got up and stared at the empty plastic glass. He stood up, not bothering to push his chair in.

  “I-I’ll be back,” he stated, quickly walking off. Yamaguchi got a small shock at something, that he instinctively said it out loud.

  “Did Tsukishima just stutter?!” he exclaimed to himself, relatively quietly.

  “I think he did!” someone said from behind him. He jumped, then turned around. The first thing he saw was the bright orange hair, then he recognised the figure as fellow first-year, Hinata Shouyou. _Why did that scare me? I knew he would be here. That’s what happened last time, at least._

  “Hi, Hinata!” Yamaguchi greeted.

  “Hey!” Hinata replied, then sat down in Tsukishima’s seat, “he won’t mind if I sit here until he gets back, right?” he asked. Yamaguchi nodded, then shook his head.

  “Yes! I mean… no… I mean, he won’t mind,” he tried to explain, and Hinata laughed.

  “Anyway, it’s a surprise seeing you here! Like, I was here because Kageyama said it was gonna be good, but he’s not even here yet!” he explained. Yamaguchi nodded.

  “When did he say he’d get here?”  he asked. Hinata quickly glanced at his phone.

  “About twenty minutes ago. But, it’s okay, I didn’t expect him here on time. The only thing he’s not late to is volleyball practice,” he laughed. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but laugh as well. Hinata’s laugh was contagious, anyway. Hinata then mumbled something to himself, but the only word he could make out was ‘late’.

  “Excuse me, Shrimp, I was sitting there,” a voice said. Yamaguchi looked up and Hinata turned around to see the 190cm blond behind them. Hinata jumped, then quickly scrambled off his seat. Tsukishima sat back down in his proper seat. Hinata was still smiling wide, then he gasped. 

  “We should all go on that rollercoaster together!” he exclaimed, pointing to a rather large, spiralling structure. Yamaguchi nodded enthusiastically. On the other hand, Tsukishima was shaking his head adamantly. 

  “Aw, why not?” Hinata asked.

  “The rest of these rides have just literally been set up. They were most likely all in boxes less than a week ago. I could not even fathom how dangerous that ride we just went on would be, let alone a rollercoaster,” Tsukishima explained. Hinata nodded slightly, but Yamaguchi did not. He was staring at Tsukishima, completely entranced, “going on a rollercoaster could completely endanger all of our lives. Also, Yamaguchi, if you wouldn’t mind, could you please stop staring at me?” Tsukishima finished. Yamaguchi snapped out of his trance, his face heating up.

  “I’m sorry, Tsukki!” he exclaimed. He had no clue what just happened. He was just… transfixed, maybe? Tsukishima rolled his eyes.

  “Anyway, I told you before, I’m not going on that-” he was interrupted by another person arriving. Hinata smiled widely at the aforementioned person.

  “Hey, dumbass."


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late upload of this chapter! I've been super busy so it may feel a bit rushed (and shorter than the others), but anyway I hope you enjoy it!

  They all turned to see the black-haired male. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima both got out of their seats, almost in perfect synchronicity.

  “Oi, Kageyama!” Hinata said excitedly. Kageyama rolled his eyes.

  “Hi, Kageyama,” Yamaguchi greeted politely. 

  “Hello, King. I guess you want me to bow now?” Tsukishima jeered. Kageyama gritted his teeth. After getting no response, Tsukishima continued, “No response, huh? I guess I’ll do it anyway, your highness~” he taunted, bowing slightly at his waist. Kageyama was audibly grinding his teeth, holding back shouts or possibly a smart-ass comment.

  “Still nothing. Have I offended you, King~?” Tsukishima teased.

  “Tsukki!” Yamaguchi warned quietly.

  “Don’t call him that!” Hinata said in Kageyama’s defence.

  “Shut up, dumbass,” Kageyama said in response.

  “Okay, we just coincidentally met up here. We don’t really need an argument right now, right?” Yamaguchi asked. Hinata nodded.

  “Yeah, please don’t fight. It was a coincidence we met here, anyway! Can’t we just enjoy it?” he stated. Surprisingly, Kageyama nodded.

  “Fine. Just don’t let this jerk get in my way," he said through gritted teeth. Tsukishima smirked in a relatively evil way.

  “Okay, Ki-” he began, but Yamaguchi shushed him.

  “Anyway, about that rollercoaster…” Hinata began, then pointed to the rollercoaster they were talking about earlier, “Tsukishima didn’t want to go on it, because he was scared… but do the rest of you want to?” he asked. Kageyama laughed.

  “You’re seriously scared?” he questioned Tsukishima.

  “You don’t understand. It’s just the fact that this was all set up in one day. Just  _set up_. It doesn’t have constant safety checks. It could break at any time,” he explained.

  “ _Anyway,_ we’re all going to go on it, right?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima was ready to shake his head, but Yamaguchi stood closer to him. He gently bumped shoulders with him, as if to say,  _Please, come on. For me._

  It seemed to work.

Tsukishima sighed, “Fine.”

  Both Yamaguchi and Hinata smiled. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima picked up all the food scraps and packages left on their table, and chucked it all in the bin. All four first-years walked towards the large rollercoaster, making idle conversation as they moved.

  “Honestly, dumbass, who thought it was a good idea to bring  _him_ along?” Kageyama asked, making it less subtle who he was talking about.

  “Kageyama-” Hinata began.

  “Kageyama~ no need to play the pronoun game. I know who you’re talking about. I don’t understand either, but I was dragged along. And… you know… Yamaguchi wanted me too, s-so I had to,” Tsukishima spoke in such a professional manner than Yamaguchi almost didn’t notice the stutter and awkwardness in his voice. A minute later he realised that that happened because  _Tsukishima_   _mentioned his name._

   _That doesn’t mean I made him stutter. He might have just shivered or something and that stuttered his voice. It wasn’t me, right?_ Yamaguchi thought. Well, he  _over_ thought.

  “Is that so… um… french fry?” Kageyama said, making up an insult on the spot. This earned a quiet laugh from Yamaguchi, a roll of eyes from Tsukishima and a  _snort_ from Hinata. And he wouldn’t stop laughing.

  “French… fry…” Hinata gasped between laughs. He stopped walking, making everyone else do the same. He grabbed onto fencing nearby, as tears of mirth fell from his eyes, “oh my god, Kageyama. I can’t believe you would use an insult like that… french fr-” he tried to say, but was cut off by his own laughter. He had his entire body weight was against the fence, as he couldn’t hold his body upright. Kageyama, on the other hand, wasn’t laughing. Instead, his face was bright red.

  “Stop laughing, dumbass,” he said quietly. However, Hinata didn’t stop.

  “I can’t… but why… french fry?” he tried to say, but he words were merged together and slurred from laughter.

  “Because, you know, he’s long, blonde… um… salty?” Kageyama tried to explain. Now, Yamaguchi understood why the orange-haired boy was laughing. His entire body, too, was shaking with held-back laughter. He then let out a loud laugh. It continued for a little while, until his legs were literally shaking with laughter. He used Tsukishima to hold him up, gripping onto his clothes tightly so he wouldn’t fall. After the laughter had faded from his body, he stood up properly. Hinata seemed to be over the joke, as well. They both took a deep breath in. Yamaguchi turned around to gesture to Tsukishima they should go to their original destination - the rollercoaster. However, when he turned, Tsukishima wasn’t already looking back. Instead, he was turned in the complete opposite direction, almost like he was trying to hide his face. 

  “Um… Tsukki? Are you okay?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima nodded slowly. 

  “I am fine. I just have to go for a minute,” he explained, and darted off.

  “What was that all about?” Hinata asked.

  “Maybe he got scared of the rollercoaster again, and was finding an excuse to stay off it,” Kageyama suggested, with a hint of a mocking tone. Hinata nodded.

  “That’s most likely what happened,” he agreed, “Yamaguchi, are  _you_  okay?” he asked. Yamaguchi nodded.

  “Of course! Just worrying. Otherwise, it’s fine! Let’s go!” he said enthusiastically. Hinata couldn’t help but brighten up at Yamaguchi’s tone.

  “Okay!” Hinata shouted.

  They all got in the long line that led up to the rollercoaster. It took them about ten minutes to get to the front. As soon as they were about to get on, Yamaguchi noticed a certain bespectacled blond in the crowd of people watching.

  “Tsukki! C’mon!” Yamaguchi shouted out to him. Tsukishima looked away, as if was just thinking, ‘ _I don’t know him, I don’t know him_ ’. Yamaguchi laughed gently.

  “Yeah, come on,  _Tsukki,_ ” Kageyama said, using Yamaguchi’s nickname for him. Tsukishima visibly gritted his teeth and muttered something to himself. He skipped through the line quickly, not apologising to anyone he went past. The man waiting at the start of the line closed the gate as soon as Tsukishima got there. He looked around, making eye contact with Yamaguchi. It’s almost as if they had an entire conversation just by making eye contact. Yamaguchi nodded.

  “U-Um, excuse me, sir? That’s my friend. He had to go to the bathroom so he was a bit late. Can you let him through?” Yamaguchi explained politely. The man - or more accurately  _boy_ , as he only seemed a few years older than them - sighed. He opened the gate, and Tsukishima walked through. The four first-years got into a cart together. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were in the front two seats, and Kageyama and Hinata were behind them. The cart started moving, and Yamaguchi felt Tsukishima stiffen up next to him. As the ride sped up, Yamaguchi decided that he would try to relax him a bit. As the ride made its first ascent, Yamaguchi rubbed his shoulder gently on Tsukishima’s. Instead of relaxing him, this made his tense up further.

  “It’s alright, Tsukki! It’s gonna be fun!” Yamaguchi had to shout to be heard. Tsukishima nodded, though he didn’t seem convinced. The ride continued in a straight line, though there were a few twists and turns along the way.

  The  _real_ fun began when they were on the way to the highest point of the ride.

  “Oh no. Oh no, no, no.” Yamaguchi heard someone say from behind them. He laughed to himself. Tsukishima was once again tense.

  “It’s fun, Tsukki! Just relax, enjoy the thrill!” Yamaguchi shouted. The cart had made it all the way to the top, and there was no way to go besides down. It stopped at the top for a moment, then it began its sudden descent. A few screams filled the air, some from carts behind them, and maybe one or two from their cart. As soon as their cart got to the bottom of the descent, it jerked to the left. That movement sent Yamaguchi slamming into Tsukishima. The ride spiralled upwards, and Yamaguchi shouted “Sorry, Tsukki!” while laughing. The ride had a few more turns and smaller descents, but eventually it came to a stop. The bars were lifted off everyone, yet no one moved. It wasn’t until the supervising boy cleared his throat that people realised they should get off.

  Yamaguchi got slightly dizzy as he stood got off the ride. He quickly walked through the exit gate, and waited outside for the others to get off. Tsukishima walked through the gates next, and Hinata and Kageyama seemed to be  having a race to see who could get out fastest. They both tried to fit through the gate at the same time but, due to his small size, Hinata fit through first. He jumped down the few stairs and ran straight to Yamaguchi.

  “Damn it, dumbass,”  they heard Kageyama shout as he caught up to Hinata.

  “So… what are we going to do next?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Hinata looked at Kageyama, who nodded.

  “Well, it was really fun hanging out with you guys, but Kageyama and I promised to meet up with Kenma and Kuroo at another place soon. We were kinda using this place as a stop before our actual destination.” Hinata explained. Tsukishima nodded in silence, and Yamaguchi smiled.

  “Okay! I’ll see you guys at school,” he said, but knew he would never see them again. He almost wanted to stop them from walking away. However he didn’t. He couldn’t. He watched his fellow first-years leave. The last time he’ll see them. He took a deep breath in, his body shaking with held-back tears. He closed his eyes for a few seconds. He opened them, and then turned to Tsukishima. “Okay, so what do  _you_ wanna do next?” he asked. Tsukishima, once again, shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Yamaguchi sighed. He was about to say something, but Tsukishima said something instead.

  “Whatever you want. We’ve still got time, anyway,” he stated. Yamaguchi froze, as he felt the familiar burning of tears in his eyes. He wanted to voice a proper response, but only one phrase was coming to mind.

   _You may have time left, but I don’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I will be away for the next week or so - without internet - so I won't be able to post a chapter next week. Though, since I won't have internet, I will have a lot of time to write the newest chapter.  
> Anyway, thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed ^^


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating for ages!! school started and it's all kinda stressful so there really hasn't been much time for me to write :( but, here's a chapter that I /really/ enjoyed writing!!

The next few hours were spent walking around the carnival, and Tsukishima refusing to go on many of the rides. At one point, Yamaguchi had to literally grab his hand and pull him onto a ride. After that, Tsukishima had to sit down for a few minutes and Yamaguchi sat next to him, laughing.

  “Why were you so scared?” he had said.

  “I wasn’t scared. I was just… mildly… uncomfortable?” Tsukishima had replied. Yamaguchi had let out a small giggle, and tentatively rested his on his best friend’s shoulder.  Tsukishima had tensed up, but Yamaguchi was too tired to care. He relaxed his hand flat of the bench, palm facing upward, attempting to calm his whole body. It was a technique his mother taught him.

  “You… don’t mind if I rest for a while…?” Yamaguchi had managed to say. Tsukishima had made a small noise that Yamaguchi couldn’t decipher. He took it as a noise of approval. As he was closing his eyes, he felt some kind of weight in his outstretched hand. He ignored it, thinking his body had finally managed to relax.

******-x-**

  When Yamaguchi had awoken, he blinked his eyes a few times, then opened them fully. He registered how it was getting kind of dark around him. His hand still felt heavy so he glanced down toward it. However, the instant he looked down, the weight disappeared. He glanced toward Tsukishima, and then he realised he was still leaning on his shoulder. He quickly sat up. 

  “S-Sorry Tsukki!” he stuttered, but he didn’t get a reply. Tsukishima was sitting in silence, listening to music. Yamaguchi smiled. _That was expected,_ he thought. He stretched out his arms, and a slight groan slipped out of his mouth. As he did this he swore he could hear Tsukishima talking. However, he couldn’t decipher the words. Tsukishima stood up next to him.

  “Finally, you’re awake,” he stated. Yamaguchi tilted his head like a confused puppy.

  “How long was I asleep for?” he asked.

  “Two hours?” Tsukishima replied, seeming to only using an estimate.

  “ _Two_ -” Yamaguchi cut himself off, then he felt a small laugh bubble in his chest. His lips slowly twisted into a smirk. It started with a light giggle, soon erupting into full blown laughter. The high, melodic laugh floated around the emptying park. 

  Yamaguchi’s brain didn’t really know why he was laughing. However, his heart did.

  He turned toward his best friend, and he noticed that he was suppressing a laugh. He gently nudged the blond with his shoulder.

  “Tsukki, why didn’t you wake me?” he asked, however it was not meant as a reprimand.

  “Well…” Tsukishima began, then turned away in… embarrassment? Yamaguchi slowly nodded, urging him to continue. Tsukishima turned back toward him, however he was desperately avoiding eye contact.

  “You just looked so peaceful I, uh, didn’t want to ruin your sleep,” he said, biting his lip. Yamaguchi’s lip slowly curved upwards, and his eyes crinkled. He sighed in happiness.

  “Well… thank you for letting me rest, I appreciate y- it,” he said, however his mouth almost let slip the truth. Tsukishima, too, noticed this.

  “Pardon? It seemed as if you may have meant something you didn’t say?” he jeered jokingly. Yamaguchi closed his eyes. His brain was not going to let Tsukishima know what he was a going to say. Though, his heart had different ideas.

  “You.”

 

  He realised his mistake the _second_ it came out his mouth. Tsukishima cocked his head to the right.

  “Me?” he asked. Instead of retracting his statement, Yamaguchi did quite the opposite.

  “Yes, you. I-I really appreciate you,” he stated, “I’m so glad you agreed to coming here, even though you hate rides. You’ve really made my… day,” he finished.

  However, instead of the word ‘day’, he wanted to say ‘life’.

  Tsukishima seemed at a loss for words. Yamaguchi wanted to feel smug, as it was a very rare occasion that something would render his best friend speechless. But, the only thing Yamaguchi was feeling was emptiness. It had hit him again. 

  He blinked the familiar tears from his eyes. He lip shook as he tried to speak.

  “Tsukki… what time is it?” he asked. Tsukishima whipped his phone from his pocket.

  “Almost seven,” he replied. Yamaguchi gaped.

  “Seven? I… I should be home! I’m sorry. You should go as well! No need to stay with me,” he replied. He didn’t want his best friend to be there when he… 

  He couldn’t finish the thought.

  Tsukishima quickly shook his head, “No, seriously. No need to apologise. You can…” he turned away, “come to my place for a while, if you want,” he stated. Yamaguchi paused for a second.

  “I mean, if you don’t mind it. Sure, then,” he said. He sounded calm, however his heart was racing and tears were prickling his eyes. Tsukishima almost… smiled? They both began to leave. Tsukishima was still holding his phone, when Yamaguchi got an idea. He quickly grabbed it from the blond’s hand. 

  “Yamaguchi, what-” he began. Yamaguchi lifted the phone up, on the front facing camera. Tsukishima sighed and rolled his eyes, “Yamaguchi, I-”

  “Come on, Tsukki! Smile!” Yamaguchi said enthusiastically. He took a few photos, before lowering his arm to check the pictures. Tsukishima looked over his shoulder. In one of the pictures, Tsukishima was in the middle of rolling his eyes. In another, Yamaguchi was in the middle of blinking, and Tsukishima snickered slightly.

  “You look high,” Tsukishima commented, and that earned a laugh from Yamaguchi. He swiped to the last picture they took.

  In Yamaguchi’s eyes, it was perfect.

  Both his and Tsukishima’s eyes were shining slightly, even in the mild darkness. 

  And there it was. Tsukishima’s slight smile. One of the most genuine Yamaguchi had ever seen on his face.

 “That’s an ugly picture of me,” Tsukishima replied, reaching over for his phone.

  “It’s not, really! It’s probably the best out of the three we took,” Yamaguchi remarked. 

  “That’s true, but I’ll probably end up deleting it,” Tsukishima responded.

  “Don’t!” Yamaguchi replied quickly. _Too_ quickly. Tsukishima shrugged.

  “Alright then. Anyway, are we gonna go? To… my place?” he asked. Yamaguchi nodded quickly. They both walked toward the exit of the carnival. They walked in absolute silence. Tsukishima had already put his headphones. Yamaguchi was left with his own thoughts.

  And his thoughts were something he wished he would never face.

  They both walked in tandem. Right, left, right, left. They both knew the way to Tsukishima’s place from memory. 

  About halfway there now.

  Yamaguchi suddenly felt aware of how close there were to each other. If he wanted, he could easily grab his best friend’s hand, or rest his head on his shoulder. They turned a corner and Yamaguchi swallowed. His fingers gently brush against the blond’s, and he felt him tense up. Yamaguchi quickly retracted his hand, bringing it up to his chest. After walking for another five minutes, he dropped his hand again. He carefully found Tsukishima’s hand again and, without fully grabbing his hand, laced their fingers to each other. Yamaguchi waited for Tsukishima to yank his hand away, or make some noise of disapproval.

  However, it did not come.

  Yamaguchi let out a quiet sigh of relief, then let a small smile settle on his face. It stayed until they arrived at Tsukishima’s house. The blond unlocked the door, and they both walked in. Yamaguchi slowly let Tsukishima’s hand go, and suddenly missed the weight that was there.

  “Kei!” he heard someone shout from across the house. Loud footsteps followed. Soon, someone Yamaguchi knew quite well appeared from the hallway.

  “Akiteru,” Tsukishima replied. Akiteru walked up to them.

  “Tadashi, hi! I haven’t seen you for a while! How are you?” he asked politely.

  “I’m pretty good, thank you,” Yamaguchi replied. Akiteru was about to say something else, however Tsukishima - Kei - cut him off.

  “Yamaguchi, follow me,” he said. He began walking up the stairs, and Yamaguchi bowed an apology to Akiteru. He waved it off, as if saying, ‘don’t worry, I’m quite used to this.’

  Yamaguchi continued to follow Tsukishima up the stairs. Soon, they reached the top. Tsukishima kept walking, and they eventually made it to his destination.

  “Tsukki, what? In the years I’ve known you, I didn’t even know you had a balcony,” Yamaguchi said in surprise, laughing. Tsukishima nodded and looked away.

  “Yeah. The sunset looks… nice from there,” he stated. He opened the door to the balcony, and beckoned to the two seats next to each other. Yamaguchi sat down, and Tsukishima sat next to him, “look.” Tsukishima said. Yamaguchi looked to the distance.

  It was breathtakingly stunning. 

  The sun was low in the sky, half looking like it sunk into horizon. The sun was spilling yellow, orange and even red onto the ombré blue of the sky. The light in the darkness.

  “Oh my… it’s really… it is… just kinda beautiful…” Yamaguchi tried to say, however the view was too nice to pull his eyes from which, in turn, distracted him from making a proper sentence. He had seen many sunsets in his life, though this was one of the most wonderful. Maybe it was who he was with, or maybe just the fact it was the final one he’d ever see.

  “It really is.” Tsukishima replied.

  However, he was not looking at the sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! this was an amazing chapter to write. it's all leading into the section which is definitely the most angsty bit, so you guys can look forward to that lmao  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this, though it may be a while until the next one comes out,, lmao


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun idea: i tried to make this chapter pretty angsty (..sorry ;;) but i would recommend listening to some kind of sad song because it'll make my writing seem more sad and better than it is lmao ;; i personally would recommend listening to 'words fail' from the dear evan hansen soundtrack ;  
> -  
> So, basically, I'm sorry in advance.

  They sat outside, watching the sun until it disappeared quickly behind the horizon. The moon was slowly rising, and Yamaguchi smiled. He pointed at it.

  “Tsukki, it’s you!” he joked. Even in the darkness, Yamaguchi could see Tsukishima roll his eyes.

  “Yamaguchi, I-” Tsukishima began, but cut himself off, “never mind. Let’s go inside. It’s getting kind of cold,” he finished. Yamaguchi nodded. He followed his best friend inside. He could hear Akiteru and his mother downstairs, talking about college or something like that. Once they were fully inside, Tsukishima locked the balcony door. Yamaguchi watched him, taking in every single one of his movements. He watched as Tsukishima’s shirt tightened over his back when he reached to put the keys on a hook next to the door. He watched him pull his shirt back down. He noticed Tsukishima turned back toward him, so he quickly averted his gaze.

  “Do you… uh… want food or something? It’s been a few hours since we’ve eaten,” Tsukishima said. Yamaguchi almost laughed, because of the awkward way that he said this. It was almost like he was not used to - well, not that he was - being kind and offering things to people. No matter how many times Yamaguchi had been over throughout the years, his best friend still didn’t know how to do this. Yamaguchi nodded.

  “Good idea. We technically haven’t had dinner yet… even though it’s almost eight p.m.,” he stated. Tsukishima turned and walked just ahead of Yamaguchi. He began walking down the stairs. The - slightly - shorter male followed him. When he emerged from the stairwell, he saw Tsukishima’s mother. She was placing tableware onto the dining table, in a room adjacent to the end of the stairs. When she saw Yamaguchi over Tsukishima’s taller figure, her face lit up. She began walking towards him with outstretched arms. Tsukishima sidestepped out of the way. His mother wrapped her arms around Yamaguchi, and hugged him tight.

  “Oh, Tadashi! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” she exclaims, hugging him tighter. Yamaguchi smiled.

  “Hello, Tsukishima-san,” he replied politely. Tsukishima’s mother was incredibly nice, and treated him wonderfully every time he came over. She pulled back and looked up to meet his eyes.

  “Were you planning on leaving now? Because you can stay for dinner, if you would like,” she suggested. Yamaguchi glanced to Tsukishima, and his only response was to shrug his shoulders. Yamaguchi took this as an ‘okay’.

  “No, no, I wasn’t leaving just yet! In fact, we came down for food. It seems like you were already preparing for dinner so, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d love to stay,” he answered. Tsukishima’s mother’s face lit up with excitement. She clapped her hands in anticipation.

  “Of course!” she replied.

  “Wait, have you got enough for me as well as you three? If you don’t, I can easily just go home, don’t worry,” Yamaguchi explained. Tsukishima’s mother shook her head.

  “No, it’s alright! I have enough to go around,” she replied. Yamaguchi smiled and nodded, “I got home while you guys were just about to go onto the balcony, sit down, sit down!” she said, gesturing toward the dining area. Akiteru was at one end of the table, on his phone. Yamaguchi sat down on one side of the table, and Tsukishima sat next to him. Yamaguchi knew it’d be a few more minutes until their mother was finished with the cooking of the food, so he thought to attempt to strike up a conversation with the two brothers. He was about to say something, before he noticed something. Tsukishima - Kei - was basically doing everything and anything to avoid acknowledging his brother’s existence. Yamaguchi sighed inaudibly. Tsukki seemed to have trust issues with his brother. He had never explicitly told Yamaguchi exactly why, but there was some kind of tense air between the brothers. About five minutes of an awkward silence, Tsukishima’s mother walked in with a large plate full of something that Yamaguchi couldn’t see clearly. She placed it on the table, then left the room, presumably to get more food. Yamaguchi got a closer look at the food. It seemed to be a chicken of some kind.

  “Hey, Tsukki?” he asked out. His friend looked at him.

  “Yeah?” 

  “What is this?” Yamaguchi asked, gesturing to the food, “wait! Oh my god, that sounded rude, I’m so sorry!” he tried to recover. Tsukki rolled his eyes, but Yamaguchi instantly noticed the small smile sitting on his best friend’s lips.

  “It’s tori katsu,” Tsukishima responded. Yamaguchi’s mouth began to water. His mother had made this once, and it was amazing. He was definitely looking forward to this. When Tsukishima’s mother returned, she was holding a large bowl of rice. She placed it on the table and sat down opposite from Akiteru.

  “Go ahead, eat,” she said. Everyone at the table thanked her for the food and began to take food from the middle of the table. The table was relatively quiet while everyone ate away at their meals.

**-x-**

  After about ten minutes of almost silent eating, Tsukishima’s mother piped up.

  “Kei, how was today?” she asked. Tsukki nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders. His mother sighed, “seems like I won’t get much from him. Tadashi, how was today? What did you get from town?” she asked. At first, Yamaguchi was confused. Then, he realised. Going to town nearby was their original plan. Then they suddenly switched ideas, and headed to the carnival. He suppressed a smile.

  “Well… the thing is… we didn’t end up going to town,” he answered. Tsukishima’s mother perked up, and Akiteru stopped eating for a second, then continued like nothing happened.

  “Oh? Where did you end up going?” she asked.

  “We noticed there was a carnival nearby so we… changed our minds to go there,” Yamaguchi explained. Tsukishima’s mother’s eyes sparkled with excitement.

  “Really?! Kei used to love going to carnivals but, when he was around ten, he went on a rollercoaster for the first time and completely gave up on carnivals,” she explained. Yamaguchi laughed slightly.

  “Yeah, we went on a rollercoaster today and he was _not_ having a good time. It was quite hilarious,” he stated. Tsukishima’s mother laughed.

  “I could imagine,” she said through her gentle laughter.

  “I wasn’t scared. I was just mildly uncomfortable,” Tsukishima mumbled, repeating the same words he had told Yamaguchi earlier in the day, before he fell asleep. Tsukishima’s mother laughed.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you were just ‘uncomfortable’, not scared at all,” she said. This caused Yamaguchi to laugh, and he once again noticed the smallest of smiles settling on his best friend’s face. He heard Akiteru snicker, and that made him smile more. Even in his happiness at that moment, he remembered something.

  Something that should happen.

  And happen soon.

  All of Yamaguchi’s happiness disappeared as fast as lights in a house when the power is cut. The smile faded away, and his heart felt heavy in his chest. _I can’t change my fate. I have to go,_ he thought to himself. He wished he could stay. He didn’t know what would happen if he did. He was having such a great time, but he knew his destiny had to play out. 

  _But, what would happen if I didn’t_ let _it happen? What if I refused to let my future play in the same way it did last time? What repercussions would that have on me? On my friends? Would there be any? I don't want to go._

_I don’t want to leave him again._

_“_ Anything wrong?” he was asked and suddenly pulled out of his thoughts. He nodded.

   “Yes, I mean, no. Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking how I’m… just over my curfew. Yeah, that’s it. I was supposed to be home a little while ago. But, I was having so much fun here that I completely forgot,” he lied. He knew the exact sequence of events that would happen next. Tsukishima’s mother would suggest to walk him out. He’d go and… yeah. It’d happen soon after that. Tsukishima’s mother quickly nodded, wiped her mouth and stood up.

  “Of course! You should have told me earlier. I’ll walk you out.” she stated. He nodded and stood up. He was not ready for what would happen soon. He pushed in his chair, and was getting prepared to say goodbye. His final goodbye to his best friend. He looked up, and felt tears in his eyes. He hoped they wouldn’t show.

  “Tsukki. I’ll see you soon,” he said, feeling almost completely broken inside. As he was getting ready to turn and never face him again, someone said something.

  “Wait. I’ll walk you out, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said. Yamaguchi froze. He didn’t remember this bit. But, he was sure that a simple detail wouldn’t drastically change everything. If small details would change it, then the balcony, and walking home the way they did would have already messed things up. He figured it would cause his best friend less pain if he could spend more time with him before he… left. For good. He nodded.

  “Of course,” Tsukishima’s mother responded. Tsukishima got up and walked toward the dark-haired male. They both walked in tandem to the front door. Yamaguchi’s throat was tightening and he knew that they were coming toward the end. Tsukishima opened the front door, and they stepped out of it. Yamaguchi’s steps were slow. He walked just in front his best friend, and turned to face him. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them he was making direct eye contact with the blond. Yamaguchi smiled a genuine smile toward him. 

  “Thank you for everything, Tsukki. Today was amazing, and I’m so glad you had time to hang out with me,” he expressed. This time, Tsukishima didn’t fully hold back his smile.

  The corner of his lips turned up, and _anyone_ could see he was still partially trying to suppress it. Even when he did, his eyes still showed all the emotion.

  “Yeah. You too. I’ll see you later, I guess?” Tsukishima responded. Yamaguchi’s tears came to the front of his eyes. He knew they would spill very obviously if he didn’t face away from his best friend. He bit his lip.

  “Of course,” was all he responded with. He turned away just as the first tear fell. Many followed. He started walking forward, with the intent to cross the road and to begin his route home. Only one thought was going through his mind.

  _I’m so sorry, Tsukki. I’m sorry to have to do this to you again._

So, he crossed the road.

  Stupidly, he didn’t look.

  The wheels screeched.

  It didn’t stop early enough.

  He felt the impact through every bone, muscle and tissue in his body. The force threw him onto the ground but, strangely, he didn’t feel anymore. He still saw, but there were splotches of black and white. Red was appearing around him. He was completely numb. He couldn’t think, but the tears still fell. The road and the houses nearby started to disappear. He knew that he could have prevented this. The pain came back as a wave. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. 

  The wave pulled him under.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this the last chapter? or is it not?  
> I guess you'll have to wait and see uwu


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise, the book hasn't finished yet!!
> 
> so, this and the next chapter was originally one giant chapter, but then i realised that it is quadruple the length of any other chapter so I decided to split it in half. so, sorry for this chapter being a little bit lacklustre, as it is building up to a rather emotional moment in this story uwu

  Yamaguchi opened his eyes. He was lying down. The first thing that he saw was white. White light that stretched for miles upon miles. He didn’t recognise this place. When he died the first time, he was sent directly into the limbo-like hell that he eventually spent months in. But now, he was just surrounded by pure whiteness. He closed his eyes, and a tear fell. He felt like his heart was racing, but he knew his heart wasn’t beating at all. 

  Suddenly, he felt an electric surge pulse his through his body. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before.

  His eyes suddenly shot open, and he was no longer in the bright white place. The room was still white, however it was no longer the blinding light he had seen before. As his eyes focused, he noticed he was in an actual room. There was a constant beeping in the room. It suddenly hit him that he was in a hospital. He began to hear voices filled with, somehow, both urgency and calmness. Someone eventually came into his view. This person was wearing a white uniform, and had their hair pushed off their face and into a long ponytail.

  “If you can hear me, please nod your head,” said - who Yamaguchi assumed was - the nurse. He moved his head slowly, afraid of what moving too fast may do. His body felt stiff, and he felt as if he shouldn’t be here. _I was supposed to die. I was supposed to go straight to the purgatory I was in. What happened? Why am I here?_

_Why am I alive?_

There was movement all around him, and the nurse who asked him the question before began to speak again.

  “Yamaguchi-kun, you were hit by a car last night. You’ve been unconscious since then, which is almost twenty-four hours. I advise you to not move much unless instructed. You still have stitches and other gauzes on,” she explained, and Yamaguchi attempted a nod, “can you speak?” she asked him. He opened his mouth. His throat felt dry and raw, yet he still tried to speak.

  “Y-Yeah,” he said, though his voice sounded rough. She nodded.

  “Alright, that’s good. Now, I would just like you to try to sit up. I can help if you need,” she instructed. Yamaguchi went to use his hands to help him up, but found that one was in a cast. The nurse walked over and held the non-broken arm in her hands, so Yamaguchi could put his weight on it to push him up. He did so, and then laid himself back onto the bedhead. He felt pain radiate across his chest, and he winced in pain. The nurse gave him a sympathetic look. He sighed, trying to breathe out the pain. 

  “I’m going to leave you alone for a while to rest. It’s almost ten p.m. now, so getting a proper rest would be a good idea. The nurse’s button is right behind you, so please press that if you feel any kind of pain, or need food, water or the like,” the nurse explained. Yamaguchi nodded. The nurse walked out, switched off the light, and then Yamaguchi was left alone with his thoughts.

  _This wasn't supposed to happen. Why am I here? I wasn’t supposed to survive._ Suddenly, a thought struck him like a bullet.

  _Something_ did _change._

  He thought back to when Tsukishima walked him out of the house. When they were watching the sunset on the balcony. When they were walking home, hand in hand.

  _I didn’t listen to the note. “If you can, avoid changing it too much.”_

 _I changed it,_ he thought. Panic began to set in. He thought about what kind of repercussions would happen because of this. _Would someone take my place? Who was the one who helped me change my fate…? Tsukki! Oh my god, I hope he doesn’t die in my place. He can’t. I should have died before. I can’t let anything happen to him._ He suddenly felt the urge to run and find his best friend, but he thought of his sorry state and realised he couldn’t help. The reality hit him like a brick, and he sunk into the bed. He slid down, back into a lying position. He stared up at the ceiling. _I just wanna know if Tsukki’s okay. Even if he’s okay, he would have seen me get hit. That would have been… traumatising. I just wanna tell him I’m okay. This time, I’m okay,_ Yamaguchi thought. His thoughts ended up getting quieter and quieter, until he was able to sleep. 

  **-x-**

  The next day was rather uneventful. He woke up, ate breakfast (with the help of his nurse) and watched some cable TV. Until there was a knock on the door. A nurse walked in, and Yamaguchi fumbled with the remote to mute the TV that was playing a random gameshow that he was only half-listening to. 

  “You’ve got a visitor. Do you mind them coming in?” she asked. Yamaguchi shook his head.

  “Of course not! Come in,” he called out. The nurse gestured forward, and a figure walked into the room. Yamaguchi recognised them instantly. 

  “Tadashi?” They called out. Yamaguchi’s eyes began to be pricked with tears at the sound of his voice name.

  “Mum?” he said back. His mother ran toward him, tears falling from her eyes. She got to his bedside, and leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. Tears began rolling down Yamaguchi’s face. 

  “Oh my goodness Tadashi, I’m so glad you’re okay,” his mother stated, gently hugging him. His chest hurt as there was pressure on it, but he didn’t care. They hugged for a while, crying into each other’s arms. His mother eventually drew away, and pulled up a chair next to his bed. She grabbed his hand - that wasn’t in a cast - in the way of a protective mother. She smiled at him, even though tears were still falling. Yamaguchi was smiling back, but his mind was somewhere else. He was thinking what this was like the first time. He remembered seeing his family on a screen, not talking to each other and weeping. He was incredibly glad that it was different this time.

  “Your dad apologises for not being here. You know that he’s in Australia doing some business work, but he’s going to try to be here as soon as possible,” his mother explained. Yamaguchi nodded.

  “It’s alright. I’m okay now, just let him know that,” he replied. His mother wiped her eyes with her free hand.

  “I’m going to guess you don’t want to really talk about it?” she asked. He shrugged. His mind was screaming to say no out loud, but he felt that was too mean. _Just think that you’re alive. Don’t think of what would have happened otherwise._

 **-x-**  

  He and his mother talked for a few hours. Most of it was things that were arbitrary, but they just wanted to talk to each other. They were just glad they were able to talk.

  After a little while, Yamaguchi mother stood up.

  “I’m sorry Tadashi, but I have to go. I have to go do some grocery shopping, then go to the airport and see if your father’s there,” she explained. Yamaguchi nodded. She leaned down to kiss him on the forehead again.

  “Bye, mum,” he said. She smiled at him.

  “See you later, Tadashi,” she replied. She walked out the door, and the familiar tapping of her shoes faded away. He sighed, glancing back to the TV that had been silently playing for the hours he and his mother talked. He unmuted it, and tried to make sense of the weird reality show that was taking place.

  **-x-**

  A few hours later the nurse came in with his dinner. It was simple rice and some cooked greens. As Yamaguchi ate, he noticed the rice was undercooked, but at that point he was just hungry, so he couldn’t care less. The TV was playing a volleyball game, and he remembered his teammates back at Karasuno. Did they know he was here? Or did they just not care? He silently cheered as his favourite team scored a point, but his celebrations were cut short by yet another knock at the door. He assumed it was a nurse coming in to give him medication or something like that.

  “Come in!” he called out. He politely put his TV on mute, and rolled the over-bed table off of him. He looked at the door and almost choked on the clump of rice he was eating.

  “Tsukki?” he exclaimed. Seeing the state Yamaguchi was in, his best friend rolled his eyes. Yamaguchi smiled wide at him. _He’s okay. He’s okay._

“Hey,” the blond replied nonchalantly. Yamaguchi eagerly gestured toward the seat that his mum was sitting on earlier. Tsukishima walked casually over to the chair, and sat down. He looked at Yamaguchi, then rested in his chair, “so… you alright?” he said, trying to sound a disinterested as possible. However, Yamaguchi could hear the concern gently radiating from his voice. He smiled.

  “I’m feeling pretty good,” he responded. Tsukishima nodded and looked as if he was going to say something, but bit his lip to cut himself off.  

  “So… uh… if you hadn’t figured out already, I called the ambulance so I guess I kinda… deserve a thank you or something,” Tsukishima stated. Normally, most people would find this kind of comment a little rude, but Yamaguchi knew it wasn’t.  It was just his best friend’s awkward and slightly offensive way of covering up his real emotions. 

  He also knew that if he hadn’t done that, Tsukishima would be the one suffering instead.

  “Thank you, Tsukki. I’m really glad you did that,” Yamaguchi replied, smiling.

  “So, you know your injuries, right?” Tsukishima asked him. This caused Yamaguchi to come to the realisation that no, he in fact didn’t know most of his injuries.

  “Actually, no. At this point, all I know is my arm,” he stated, lifting his broken left arm up. Tsukishima seemed to pause, as if he was thinking.

  “Huh. The nurse outside of your room told me the problems. You have this thing called costochondritis, but that apparently happened before the crash. It’s inflammation in the chest, but the crash irritated it. Apparently it feels a lot like a broken rib, but it’s not. You also broke your nose, but that was caused as you hit the ground. You mainly just have a lot of cuts and bruises but… she said that you got off lucky,” Tsukishima explained. Yamaguchi realised that the chest thing made a lot of sense, as whenever he moved his chest felt like it was on fire. He let out a sigh of relief, now knowing he wasn’t as bad as he thought he was. He looked over to Tsukishima, with the intent to thank him for the information. However, Tsukishima wasn’t looking back. 

  “Tsukki?” he asked, and his best friend looked toward him, but not _at_ him, “are _you_ okay?” Tsukishima rubbed the back of his neck, but if it was in embarrassment, guilt or something else Yamaguchi did not know.

  “Oh. I’m just… guilty that I did not visit earlier. I guess I just didn’t want to face something that was most likely my fault,” Tsukishima replied, once again avoiding looking at the shorter male.

  “What? Tsukki, it was not your fault! The car just so happened to be there, I was just to stupid to look. But it’s alright now,” Yamaguchi tried to comfort his best friend. After a split second decision, Yamaguchi decided to gently reach through the side bars of the bed and grab his best friend’s hand in comfort. Yamaguchi braced himself for rejection, however it never came. It was almost as if Tsukishima didn’t notice that it had happened. Yamaguchi decided to continue with his attempt at comfort, “I’m okay. If it wasn’t for you… who knows what will have happened to me,” he finished. When he looked back to Tsukishima, this time, he was looking right back. Yamaguchi smiled at him. For once, Tsukishima attempted a smile back. It was an awkward, twisted smile, but in Yamaguchi’s eyes it was acceptable.

  “Thank you,” Yamaguchi stated.

  Because he did, in fact, know exactly what would have happened to him if it wasn’t for his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...as you can see there is finally a set number of chapters for this book. we're coming to the end of this fic ;;


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter seems like it's kinda mostly filler and is quite a bit longer than other chapters, but we're almost at the end of this book so I hope you can look past it ^^
> 
> also there's a flashback in this chapter, which is marked with italics (in case you get confused ^^)

Tsukishima didn’t stay long after that. They talked about many things. About how the team found out about what happened, about how bad Tsukishima’s family felt, and other things that Yamaguchi couldn’t remember. The chat ended with Tsukishima announcing he had to go, Yamaguchi responding and Tsukishima swiftly leaving the room.

Yamaguchi sat and wondered for a while. 

_What will happen now? Will I survive?_

** -x- **

 His nurse came in about an hour later. Yamaguchi was watching reruns of a show he watched when he was a lot younger. When she made it to his bedside, he muted his TV.

“How are you?” she asked him. Yamaguchi nodded.

“Pretty good, thanks,” he responded. He watched her change the IV that was directly connected to his unbroken arm.

“So, how’s this arm going along?” she responds, gesturing to the casted arm. 

“Great, actually. I can move my fingers enough and lift my arm without too much pain,” he replied. The nurse smiled at him.

“And your chest?” she asked. There was a tone in her voice that Yamaguchi couldn’t pinpoint, “your friend told you earlier, right?” 

“He did. It’s really sore when I move around, but when I’m lying it seems fine. Breathing hurts a little, but I guess that’s expected from a chest problem,” he responded. The nurse nodded, smiling.

“Yes, it is. Would you like some water? Ice or no?” She offered.

“That would be great. And with ice,” Yamaguchi stated, “thank you so much for looking after me. I just really would love to be playing volleyball, and I’m glad you’re trying your hardest to nurse me back to health,” Yamaguchi finished, his voice filled with genuine gratefulness. The woman smiled once again.

“You’re wholeheartedly welcome. I’d love for you to be able to play again, but it may not happen in the near future. Just keep your hopes up. One day, you may be able to get back to playing. You just have to stay as strong as you can,” she responded, and began to pour a glass of water from the jug across the room. She left the room, presumably to get the ice.

Yamaguchi was relieved that he could get that off his chest, and off his mind. All he could think about was his best friend. He hoped that he would never had to suffer the way he did before, again. The nurse returned with the water, placed it on the table next to him, then instructed him to rest. Yamaguchi nodded. He glanced at the clock on the wall. It read 9:45pm. He decided to close his eyes, and let himself drift away.

 

The night passed in what felt like seconds, as he was awoken by a nurse. She was not the same one as earlier, but Yamaguchi welcomed her presence.

“Would you like anything to eat or drink for breakfast?” she asked. Yamaguchi stretched with his good arm and let out a small yawn. 

“A small cup of tea would be good,” he responded. She nodded and walked off. The clock on the wall showed 11:23am. _I slept in that long? I must be exhausted,_ Yamaguchi thought to himself. A few minutes later the nurse came back with his drink. He nodded in thanks, but quickly placed the tea back on the table; it was burning hot. As Yamaguchi was about to watch the TV, a knock on the door distracted him from his task. 

“Come in!” he called out. His chest spiked with pain, and his squeezed his eyes shut to get rid of it. When he opened his eyes, he recognised the figure at the door. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi,” the person said. 

“Tsukki! Hey!” Yamaguchi responded with excitement. He didn’t know if he imagined it. but a small glint of a smiled landed on his best friend’s face. 

“So… uh… how are you?” Tsukishima asked, slowly - awkwardly - walking towards Yamaguchi’s bed. 

“Pretty good,” Yamaguchi started, “my chest is hurting a little, but nothing that I can’t deal with,” he finished with as much optimism in his voice as he could muster. Tsukishima sat down on the chair next to him.

“Some of the other team members will be here soon. But for now you’re kinda stuck with me,” he said. Yamaguchi smiled.

“Well… I’m not “stuck with” you when… uh… I’m happy you’re here,” Yamaguchi replied, rather awkwardly. It wasn’t a lie though, he was simply speaking the truth. 

And then he regretted it instantly.

He felt his face flush and he quickly looked away from his friend.

“Thanks,” Tsukishima replied simply. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. Until, as a saving grace, there was another knock at the door. Yamaguchi didn’t even have time to invite them in when someone burst through the door. In a flash a bright haired male ran toward him and was at his bedside in an instant.

“Yamaguchi, oh my god! You’re okay!” he said. His bright orange haired was frizzled.

“Hinata, calm down,” said a previously unseen figure as he walked into the room. 

“I _am_ calm, Kageyama!” Hinata responded. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but smile at his two friends.

“Hey guys,” was all he could say as a response. 

There were tears in his eyes.

The carnival was once the last time he ever saw these friends.

But now they were here. They were physically in the same room as he was.

He was _alive._

“Uh… Yamaguchi?” Hinata snapped him from his thoughts. Yamaguchi shook his head to rid the tears from his eyes.

“Yes, hi! I was just thinking. How are you guys?” he asked. Hinata gave him a weird look.

“We should be asking _you_ that! You’re the one currently in a hospital bed!” Hinata said, stating the obvious. Yamaguchi laughed gently to avoid hurting himself.

“I’m pretty good, actually. Just… glad that I’m still here,” he stated. The room went silent. The air felt tense and solemn. They all sat there, knowing that this could have ended a lot worse than it did.

Like it did last time. 

Yamaguchi knew what would have happened. He knew the pain that they would have had to go through. All he could do was continue to stay as well as he could to hope he would survive this time.

“So… have you heard? We won our most recent game against Date Tech! I mean, it was a practice match, but I don’t know how we made it without our incredible pinch server!” Hinata said excitedly. Yamaguchi smiled at his shorter friend.

“I’m sure it was easy enough without me! Your spiking skills probably scored us each and every point!” he responded. Hinata’s eyes glowed in happiness.

“Thanks! But, we all miss having you on the team,” he suddenly sobered. Then, he let another smile creep onto his face, “especially _this_ guy…” he finished, nudging his elbow into Tsukishima’s side. He glared at the shorter male, but said nothing in retort. Yamaguchi let a small, calm smile settle onto his lips.

 

They all talked for a while. About stupid, irrelevant things. However, Yamaguchi was incredibly grateful for this. 

It helped take his mind off the pain.

**-x-**  

Yamaguchi’s life started to fall into a loose schedule of sorts. It was a messy and unclear schedule, with some things sometimes happening and others rarely doing so. For the next few days a nurse, or himself, would wake himself up. He had breakfast. Every now and then someone would visit him, helping to take his mind off the gradually increasing pain. It would become so hard to breathe that he could no longer move without fear of triggering an attack of not being able to breathe. His arm was no longer in as much pain, and the stitches from his surgeries were removed. He no longer had the gauzes that would stick to his skin and make it hard to move.

The only problem he had was his chest. The costochondritis - _as the doctors called it,_ Yamaguchi thought - hadn’t gone away. The nurses would give him painkillers or an icepack to lay on his chest, but it rarely improved. They tried to get him to move around to help his breathing, but it never worked. It had only been a few days since the accident, but Yamaguchi was already sick of the overly clean hospital. He began to despise the potent smell of disinfectant that plagued each and every room.

The only true constant was Tsukishima visiting him. Twice a day, at most. He would visit every night, just before visiting hours ended. He would always ask how Yamaguchi was as soon as he sat down. Their conversations were sometimes short and awkward, but just Tsukishima’s presence was enough. Other times, their conversations were deep and philosophical. It was only on the fifth day where something truly different happened with him. 

 

Tsukishima had knocked and Yamaguchi tried to sit up and answer at the same time. This caused pain to fly through his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and regained his composure just in time for Tsukishima to open the door and promptly walk to the bed next to Yamaguchi. It started off normally. 

“How are you?” Tsukishima asked. Yamaguchi gave the biggest smile he could muster.

“Good!” he replied enthusiastically. He just wanted to make Tsukishima feel okay. Tsukishima was constantly berating himself. He blamed himself for what Yamaguchi was going through.

 

_“It’s my fault,” Tsukishima had mumbled during an awkward silence between the two of the on the night of the second day Yamaguchi was in hospital. He was taken aback, surprised at this sudden comment._

_“What?” he responded, his mouth slightly agape._

_“It’s my fault,” Tsukishima reiterated, “I should have been watching out for you,” he continued. Yamaguchi shook his head._

_“It’s not! I was the one who made the mistake… I… well… didn’t see the car coming. Tsukki, it’s my fault. You did everything you could,”_

_“Yamaguchi, you don’t understand. The second before it happened, I turned away. I wasn’t sure why. It’s almost like I had a premonition or… something else. I heard a noise and that’s when it happened. I saw you just lying there, Yamaguchi. Do you know how horrific that was? If I hadn’t turned way, I could have helped you,” Tsukishima stated. Yamaguchi was about to say something before Tsukishima continued._

_“You wouldn’t be in this room. You wouldn’t be in pain. You could still be playing volleyball. You know how hard it is for everyone else? No one can play without you. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in this state,” he finished. Yamaguchi was frozen by these words._

_“No… it’s not. If it weren’t for you calling the ambulance so quick, I might now even be here! So listen, Tsukki, please. It’s no one’s fault, then. Please, just don’t blame yourself,” Yamaguchi responded, unable to hold back his emotions._

_Or his tears._

_A glimmer of something shimmered in Tsukishima’s eyes. No one spoke. The silence of the hospital around them added to the emptiness that they were both feeling. Without a word, Tsukishima got up and left. Yamaguchi was frozen as tears fell._

 

“Give me a serious answer. How are you feeling?” Tsukishima said again. 

“I promise you, I’m feeling great,” Yamaguchi responded simply, a smile plastered on his lips.

He was lying. Every breath was painful. Every time he moved, pain would radiate across his entire chest. It felt like it was on fire, but he had to ignore it. He could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes. _It should be fine. Tsukki told me the doctors said it was just costochondritis, whatever that is. It should heal,_ he thought. He blinked, and a tear fell. He quickly used the hand that was not in a cast to wipe it away. 

“You’re lying, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima stated. Yamaguchi shook his head.

“I’m not! It’s just a little painful, but I can handle it.” he answered, partially telling the truth. Tsukishima gritted his teeth.

“You’re not fine! You were _hit_ _by a car._ There is no way in the world you are fine. Please, stop lying to me,” he said. 

“Please. Tsukki. Listen to me. I will be fine, I promise you,” Yamaguchi replied, calmly.

“No. You. _Won’t_. You’ve broken so many bones. You are most likely internally injured. You need to stop lying to me.” Tsukishima stated. Yamaguchi’s mouth slowly opened in shock.

“I-Internally injured? What do you mean? Many bones? I-It was just my arm… right?” Yamaguchi tried to say, but stutters emerged from his words. Tsukishima paused, and didn’t say anything. Yamaguchi recognised that face.

It was when he said something he shouldn’t have.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked. Tsukishima had looked away, not wanting to make eye contact with his best friend.

“Y-Yamaguchi. I-I’m… so sorry.” he said with a shaking voice. When he turned to face Yamaguchi, he had tears rolling down his face. They were fogging up his glasses, but he didn’t take them off. His eyes were red and puffy behind said glasses. “I’m a hypocrite,” he mumbled. Yamaguchi tilted his head in confusion.

“W-What do you mean?” he asked, and felt a tear fall onto his face.

“I was telling you to stop lying to me, yet I was the one lying the whole time.” Tsukishima replied, taking off his glasses with the intent of cleaning them. The brightness of the hospital hurt his eyes. Yamaguchi didn’t say anything so Tsukishima continued. “I lied. I… I told you the doctors said you had costochondritis. That was all a lie. You’ve… actually got many broken ribs. In… in many places. It’s very dangerous. Your lungs could get punctured at any minute because of that. I’m so sorry for lying to you.” Tsukishima explained. Yamaguchi opened his mouth to talk, but no words would come out. So, he closed it. This repeated a few times before he said anything.

“No. You’re lying _now,_ right? You can’t be serious. You can’t have been lying to me for the past few days, right? Right?!” Yamaguchi expressed. Tsukishima bit his lip, squeezed his eyes shut and looked away, “Right, Tsukki?” As soon as Yamaguchi uttered the nickname, Tsukishima didn’t hold back.

Tears flowed from his eyes like a waterfall.

Yamaguchi didn’t dare to move. Tsukishima _never_ cried, but he did now. _But… why?_ He asked himself.

“You weren’t lying just then, were you…?” Yamaguchi said quietly. Through his tears, Tsukishima muttered an almost silent, ‘I wasn’t’. Yamaguchi closed his eyes, and let the tears fall.

“I’m truly sorry, Yamaguchi. I didn’t want you to know so you could live out your last days happily, and without the pain of h-having to say goodbye…” Tsukishima trailed off. Yamaguchi froze completely.

“Say… goodbye…” he repeated, “I’m… going to die…?” he finished. Tsukishima looked back, and nodded his head slowly. 

“M-Most likely.” he said in the quietest voice Yamaguchi had ever heard him use.Yamaguchi slumped back in the pillow, sending a pain through him. He let out a small yelp of pain, and Tsukishima sat up in an instant to see if he was okay.

“I just… can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Especially when my life was on the line,” Yamaguchi stated blandly, “I guess I should have been able to figure it out. Just getting a stupid small thing after literally getting hit by a car? I should have expected something drastic like, you know, literally breaking my ribs and killing me,” Yamaguchi mumbled. It wasn’t like him to be this sarcastic, but his emotions were all over the place. 

_I should have guessed. I managed to avoid my death before. Why should I have been allowed to continue my life?_

Tsukishima took a breath in.

“I was just trying to help you,” he muttered. Yamaguchi shook his head.

“Help me? By not telling me I was going to _die_?! What if I had died… _this morning_ , Tsukki? What if I had died yesterday? I wouldn’t have known, and probably have died with a lot of regrets. And you would have had to live with the fact you knew I was going to die, yet I didn’t!” Yamaguchi didn’t know where these words were coming from, and he regretted them the minute they came out.

“Yamaguchi, I was only trying to-” Tsukishima began, but was cut off.

“Tsukki, who do you think you were helping? I-It wasn’t me. Tsukki, I wouldn’t want you to live with guilt. I just… don’t understand…” Yamaguchi trailed off, and he began to weep. Each sob sent waves of pain through his chest, but he ignored every bit of it. 

He didn’t realise it, Tsukishima had reached through the rails of the hospital bed he was on. He had gently grabbed Yamaguchi’s hand and squeezed tight, hoping that could get rid of the pain he was feeling. He cried too, knowing the inevitability of his best friend’s fate. He tried to speak, but all that was left was a whisper.

“I’m so sorry, Tadashi.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...i'm sorry.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **-x-**
> 
>  
> 
> also, i have a lot of school assessments and work so i probably won't have the next chapter out for a while so... hope yall won't hate me too much lmao


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